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Wednesday, June 11, 2003

so the other day, i wrote this really long blog. and it was erased. woooooot.

so these past few days have been turbulent - and i speak for everyone when i say i wish it hadn't of happened. its interesting to know who cares, but it also brings back fears from the past.

the moral(s) of this story:
value your relationships. trust your friends. dont give in to gossip. dont be weak. dance like theres nobody watching. cry like everyones there. attention getting tactics will get you nowhere. there is no such thing as a true villian. you never really realize how much you need someone until you almost lose them, and still might. death is a joke. life is a joke - so laugh more. dont let people talk trash about your friends. the most brilliant wonderful people are always the most tortured. second chances are for the weak. if youre going to stand up for yourself, do it now, because its not worth wishing youd done it earlier. running away is lame, dont do it - i know it from experience. everyone needs a little prozac in their lives, whether it be chemical or mental. everybody needs a little time away, just for the day, from somebody. those you love, are those that are hurt the most. dont listen to frank - he is dangerous - its his confessions of a dangerous mind. dont throw good things away, they can be re-invented.

note: second chances arent for wusses... theyre just a lame excuse for "i screwed up, lets re-do this"
note: running away sucks. dont do it.
note: your friends will always be there unless you shut them away. they try to stay ALAP, but who knows when they wont come back. i wish that wasnt true...

im not sure whether to cry or laugh. im ashamed because i did something wrong. im angry, because i was not the only one at fault the other night. im pissed because second chances are for wusses. im upset because you never know when the people wont chase after you. im happy, because i know my friends care, but i want to cry, because theyre not there for everyone.

im naive. i went to a private school for 4 years, and i didnt have the social experience you all had. i was deprived of a lot of things. but if i did experience them, they were on a smaller, but more intense scale - so i sometimes know what im talking about. im naive in a sense, that i don know a lot about life. a lot of people dont know a lot about life, but there are some people who know so much, they dont know when to hold back.

being donald trump must suck... just a thought.

i hope everyone knows that im sorry for overreacting. im sorry for being such a dork and making big deals out of little things. im learning, like a kitty in a box. give me the benefit of the doubt that i dont know what im doing anymore, and regardless of what i say, im playing it by ear.

where is my mind?
i dont know where we're going, i dont know what we'll do.
not gonna get us - remember the good times, not the bad.

lets all just fly away.

so i love you cruel cruel world.

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