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Monday, August 11, 2003

So today, I went back to work. *watches everyone roll their eyes* BUT GUESS WHAT! I GOT PAID! WOOOOOOOOOOOOT! i am so thrilled with myself. There is nothing like holding a check in your hands, knowing that you worked yourself crazy to get it. (note: the craziness was caused by the sharpie fumes...) I feel like spending money tho... ill just spend my parents money on birthday stuff... for now...
Oh love, It is a brittle madness, i sing about it in all my sadness - and thats the truth. The thing that is missing from my life, is having someone close to me (aka, not in another state) who cares about me. well, thats a bit shallow - people care about me... i think... but romantically cares about me. treasures me above others - although that sounds all narsissistic and shit, thats kinda the way it feels... its whats missing. I know i have friends that love me and care about me, but lately, i am aware they have others they hold in their highest regards... wayyyy over me. I haven't been doing a very good job lately keeping myself from the "disposable friend" tendancies.
Is it wrong to go after the following guys?
- one totally out of reach, due to distance
- one so stuck on himself that he admits that he's cocky and thinks its cute
- one who is going to college next year, but has no idea that i have any interest in them
- one who just wants to fuck my brains out and doesnt really care about what i think (what can i say, im a sucker for assholes...)
and finally:
- one who just doesnt want me, and is about an inch shorter

and what sucks, is that they kinda dont fit the "nice guy" sterotype... one is close, but then says stupid things. what is my problem? i think i have a problem with commitment... haha... that was just a joke for lolo, but anyway, i think i have a problem with fickleness/fidelity. I keep changing my mind about people, one minute ill be chasing after them, the next, i wont want to be near them. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG! (the one i really want, doesn't want me at all...)
I feel like im kind of just making myself a little burrow in my insecurities.

I want to be immortalized in a famous piece of poetry.

So i love you cruel cruel world, even though you dont want me, (and i know it.)

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