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Saturday, September 06, 2003

 
I've decided to share multiple, yes, MULTIPLE GREAT SONGS with you today. Here's one to start you off... just a little taste of whats to come:

So you wanted to take a break
Slow it down some and have some space
WELL FUCK YOU TOO!

Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you BITCH
I want my money back
And don't forget to give me back my black t-shirt

Wish I hadn't bought you dinner
Right before you dumped me
On your front Porch

Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you BITCH
I want my money back
... and don't forget



Oh man. I am so frustrated on so many levels.
-"and what are these levels?" (you may ask)

Well. let me tell you. Here is a diagram to aid the explination:
--------------
School work
---------------
friends
--------------
members of the opposite sex
--------------
self
--------------

( at first, it was a cool pyramid, but it got fucked up, so i edited it... murrrrr...)

we'll start at the top:
school work - its sucks way bad. for example: math. the first review sheet was so tasking on my fragile state of mind, that my parents have already arranged for a math tutor - WTF! Its like... the third day of school! im okay at it now...

friends - if i hadn't bitched about them already, or lack thereof, i am begining to see who really cares about me. those who stick by me, my jealous rage, my insecurities and patheticness. Its seriously great to see who they really are. (Yoshimi, i wont let those robots defeat me. ) Friends should be people that make you feel good about yourself, not drag you down. They should be there through thick and thin, and even after a year of not talking, things should be like they were before. I am beginning to see that people aren't who i thought they were; people whom i thought were the strongest, have turned out to be the weak. Those whom i assumed were the smartest, appear to be the lame. And those who i thought were best at masking their emotions, have let loose a full fledged field day emotional rollercoaster (hows that for a description!?). So whoever wants to hang out with me is a-okay. Those who run away on purpose, dont worry, i wont chase after you anymore. Im sick of running to catch up. Ill walk at my own pace - thank you very much.

members of the opposite sex - i have the worst crush on a guy. he's an asshole... which is funny, because i seem to be attracted to that type... hm... note for the future... its seriously terrible. I like him a lot... and i think he's totally oblivious - guys are usually the last to notice - while other girls make obvious hand signals as to what im thinking or wanting (what... Lesley? no! of course she wouldnt!) Its really terrible and pathetic. Apparently, whenever he's talking, i get this look on my face that is just too damn dopey for words (or thats at least how lesley looked when she described it...) hes just so.... i dont know... he just is... and i would say that i would give anything for a chance with him - but id rather not - because we all know that i would fuck him, then loose all interest... kind of what happened the last few times... cant i get fucking counselig for this or something?

self - i am just angry at myself. i keep ingesting things i shouldnt, and then putting myself in situations, where im obviously going to say things i shouldnt. and do things i shouldnt. like lying on the sidewalk, making "sidewalk angels" and telling my best friend and her boyfriend to get a room, and that he's a guayhole. now theyre both mad... and its my fault. but once again, it doesnt really matter anymore - kind of like how i missed the beach road trip today - i already knew i probably couldnt go, but when i decided not to go, FOR MY OWN REASONS (not my mom's) i just dont care. id rather be at home, by myself, doing my homework, or working on writing, instead of being put in an awkward situation with people that just dont care about me anymore. why should i cause myself more anger and frustration if i can avoid it?

ugh. i have a strange disease. i need a psychiatrist... again... yuckooo...

cruel cruel world, what a twisted web you weave...
~*N*~





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