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Monday, September 01, 2003

Thank you Alison for aknowledging my existance. Lately, not many other people have. Once again, i seem to have retreated into the woodwork like a termite that has been bad and was banished to their room... if termites have room...
It seems like i notice a lot of flaws in other people's lives. I've got to stop that. I used to notice only my own flaws, and i still do - but lately i have been pointing out other people's insecurities and problems - and how im glad i dont have them.
Right now, everyone, but Lauren and I (and everyone at college) are in some barn off in the middle of nowhere throwing themselves a "lets get trashed" party. Im glad im not there. honestly. i wasn't invited, nor would I want to go. Ive hid all my old stash (there were like... 2 left... i gave the last couple to other people) and have declared myself, again, clean. I just am sick of relying on something that could determine the course of my life - why would i want anyone i love to read the paper the next morning to discover that i died in a car crash or something like that - not even a car crash, but and overdose or alcohol poisoning - why the fuck would i want that? fun, you may say, prude, you may call me - but right now, i dont want to participate in seriously unsafe things just so i can be "one of the gang" - why the fuck would i want to be "one of the gang" anyway? they obviously dont want me...

i took a poll on a very serious disputed question. haha. i won.

so im fucking done with that chapter in my life, cruel, cruel, world. you can take it back now.

p.s. william has balls. indeed. indeed he does...

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