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Tuesday, November 11, 2003

As I ramble on in this silly thing i call a "blogger", i seem to notice that things are more fake then they seem.

I just read lesley's blogger, which inspired me to write this post. I LOVE LESLEY SOOOOOO MUCH! ( i hope she still loves me too! ) I think i said something about a few of us "who hated each other but just pretended to be friends" which is true. I even talked to Tony about it, and he says its exists too...

We're all like my parents. In reality, we hate each other. Whenever we're alone, we argue. Sometimes we'll even argue in front of you. we dont have sex anymore either. Its like we're just staying together for the kids. (think about it. my parents are a metaphor for a lot of my friendships these days.)

There are some people I know I wish I was better friends with. But whenever im around them, I end up looking like a HUGE dork. not just a dork, but a HUGE dork. Its almost pathetic. And when people reach out to me instead of me chasing after them, i freak out and can barely respond.

I am living a lie. I am lying to people about what i am really like; its starting to piss me off. (note: independant clause *colin* dependant clause. what bitch? what?!) Maybe ive "got to be true to myself". nope. sorry cant. that would conflict with the "pretending to be friends" thing. If i had the choice: i would just yell and scream. and tell that person how much they piss me off. i try not to pretend. i am just civil... for now...

cruel cruel world, you know its "nooooooooo good!"

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