Music: Modest Mouse - Dirty Fingernails, Pixies - Velouria, and Blink 182 - Feeling this (As loud as the speakers go)
Over the past few days, I have probably cried more than i have in the last... year? no, thats a lie. its the most ive cried in a couple months... at least. I donno, here are the highlights:
on saturdayi cried because i was exhausted and my mom convinced me i had turf toe. for the record, i do not, but for a few sad hours, i was convinced i was losing a toenail. Saaaad.
throughout sundayi was pretty much in a nasty mood as was, convinced that the world was going to come crashing down, as i had realized that i missed an entire weekend. Things can change within two days, so when youre emotionally and physically exhausted, the littlest things become the biggest deals of all. infact, it was almost if i TRIED to make a big deal out of things. Super.
Today, Monday, was probably the most tear-filled of all. after a mindbending schedual, Arlen walked me home and we hung out for a little while, after a good 15 minutes spent trying to get the house unlocked. Stupid stuck key box. So anywho, i luckily cancelled my french tutoring, and spent some time with A-Dizzle, considering this weekend will be the last that we spend together for a good.... 2-3 weeks. After he left, my mom came home and "suggested" (aka brutally forced) to study ACTs, because they are, indeed, this saturday. So i failed miserably through the science section, after bombing the math, resulting in a barely "above average" score. Which isnt nearly good enough for any of the schools i want to go to. In addition of the stress, theres my SAT scores being released on friday, which should give me some time to mull them over ALL FUCKING DAY. So then i go upstairs, to maybe chat the tears from my "less that expected" ACT practice score, to recieve a phone call from my absolute favorite person. to be emotionally out of whack, and try to have a serious heart to heart conversation is never a good mix. I sort of sobbed my way through a painful 45 minutes until she had to leave for ballet. I then tried to call her back, but her phone has been busy for 45 minutes, and joel keeps reminding me that i should be taking a hot bath to drain the stress away.
but no. i have no time.
i just really wish this week would end, and the next would begin. It would bring happy things, like valentines day (happy for once), my trip to Emory, sleep, sanity, and possibly a warm bath.
I dont have the mental stablilty to keep myself, or try to keep anyone else sane. thats when i start blaming myself for the wrongs in the world. for example, i havent been to the humane society for a good 2 weeks. why am i not doing my part to save the animals? why dont i work in a soup kitchen? who is the bum that once owned this hat, and why havent i tried to improve the quality of my life? why is there hate in the world? why did janet jackson put "discrimination" and "illiteracy" in her bad things list at the super bowl, and why the fuck did i not make her costume better so the boobie part wouldnt rip off!
bad day gone worse.
cruel cruel world, im going off to watch CSI with my good friend coldstone...
there are many sailors in our past, and many sailors to come, but until the mermaids find their mermen, we will continue to swim the sea. we chicas best be stickin together... wuv you. posted by Nat