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Thursday, April 22, 2004

Mood: Giddy... like a little school girl... i kinda feel like throwing up... :P
Music: Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
Vice: star trek

thanks Dbo. once again, youre my hero.

I see: blue skies shining at me... oh god, its SUNNY OUTSIDE! WHEEE!
I need: to make sure i still fit in my prom dress. now that i have a date, i actually have to pretend like im going...
I find: that modest mouse is even greater when you rediscover it for the 5th time...
I want: to go to college. now.
I have: a crest whitestrip on my teeth. it feels gross, and it makes me spit when i talk. ew.
I wish: that i had more effective study habits.
I love: when i get something that i want. especially something that is a challenge. way fun.
I hate: rejection
I miss: canoe island. and no, im not going to the 35th reunion, because that would kill me.
I fear: that i have hurt my darling Nora's feelings. I wouldnt let anything compromise our friendship right now because she means too much to me. It kills me to know that shes unhappy with my actions, and i am trying my best to make things work for EVERYONE.
I feel: wommity. ew.
I hear: Guns and Roses
I smell: whitestrip. it smells AND tastes nasty.
I crave: a coke. but i dont drink soda very much anymore... like ever... im a water addict...
I search: for ways to make my life easier.
I wonder: why i keep putting myself in awkward situations that dont turn out for the better, and why i keep putting my tongue on the roof of my mouth to discover the whitening goop has beaten it there...
I regret: hurting Nora's feelings.

When was the last time you ...

Smiled?: in HOS, when Lesley and i were giggling at Max and whatnot.
Laughed?: during HOS. Max earned himself another week in that class.
Cried?: Tuesday.
Bought something?: A cew hours ago. Pie. Sharie's. Only spent a $.
Danced?: with lesley in HOS today. we seem to do everything in that class.
Were sarcastic?: seriously sarcastic? last night on the phone with tim. he thinks i hate him now.
Kissed someone?: Bunny. Yesterday.
Talked to an ex?: uh... today?
Watched your favorite movie?: its been about a year. tricksters to be exact.
Had a nightmare?: the other night. it had nudity, and was rated NC-17, so i cant explain it.

A Last time for everything ...

Last book you read: Valley of the Dolls by Jaqueline Susann. I know it seems like ive been reading that book forever, but its just taking me awhile. great book.
Last movie you saw: uh... i honestly dont remember... OH! pulp fiction.
Last song you heard: Sunday Morning - Maroon5
Last thing you had to drink: water
Last time you showered: last night. im big on timing the showers JUST right. it wasnt in the cards for again this morning...
Last thing you ate: pie. and it was gross. wasnt even worth my $

Do You ...

Smoke?: not on a consistant basis. once tho.
Do drugs?: does that include medication? but no. not on a regular basis. done it once.
Have sex?: evvvveryyyyyyy night. i have a harem.
Sleep with stuffed animals?: hehe, i have a bear ive had since childhood that i use as a pillow. its all i really need. but i do have precious childhood stuffed animals on the floor next to the bed. teehee.
Live in the moment?: occasionally. depends on what im trying to achieve.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no. i dont want one now either. regardless of what Bunny and Nora believe, i am, i repeat, NOT in the right mindset for a relationship right now. AND i dont want one.
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yep. every couple of nights.
Play an instrument?: guitar. Nora and i have a band. :P
Believe there is life on other planets?: Haven't you met David Lev?
Remember your first love?: yep.
Still love him/her?: yep.
Read the newspaper?: yep.
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yeah... if you say you dont, youre lying. they just havent told you :P
Believe in miracles?: where you from? you sexy thing.
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: faithful... as in have faith? this question is unclear...
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: generally. unless your name is David Lev and you cough up whooping cough all over the french room. ew.
Consider love a mistake?: generally thats how it starts... you cant plan it...
Like the taste of alcohol?: id be lying if i said i did, and id be lying if i said i didnt.
Have a favorite candy?: robin's eggs. soooo good.
Believe in astrology?: Virgos are the best, YOU KNOW!
Believe in magic?: watch, i can make my tongue disappear...
Believe in God?: heh.
Pray?: when i find myself in times of trouble... and mother mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom...
Go to church?: only to sing.
Have any secrets?: ha. wouldnt you like to know? everybody has secrets.
Have any pets: Extra the Cat, and about a bagillion fish.
Do well in school?: no.
Go to or plan to go to college?: yes.
Have a major?: Her name is Lesley. Actually, i just know fo sho that i want to be involved in the film industry.
Wear hats?: occasionally.
Have any piercings?: ears. and my cooch. youve just never seen it.
Have any tattoos?: One that says "Le Thugs 4 LIFE" on my right arm and one that has a heart with the name "Carol" on my left. i lub you, CAROL!
Hate yourself?: Im emo.
Have an obsession?: yes, but if i told you, id have to kill you. like bill. moving on...
Have a secret crush?: sort of. sort of not. i wouldnt say it so secret, but its not who EVERYONE thinks it is. MUAHAHHAHAHA.
Do they know yet?: they probably have an idea. i keep putting myself in situations that inolve them (but no, not dinner).
Collect anything?: fingernail clippings... right...
Have a best friend?: 5, but they are all for different things: Lesley: my best bunny! ... Nora: my beautiful CV chica who knows the answers to all my problems... Kenzie: she who is flaky and hilarious, only she could laugh histerically at EVERYTHING (NOSE RAPINGS!)... Sash: my homegirl up north! and Travis: my best homeboy.
Wish on stars?: occasionally. shooting ones. they generally come true too...
Like your handwriting?: yes. i call it architect chic.
Have any bad habits?: taking surveys. ditto dbo.
Care about looks?: my own, yes. others, not usually... but it helps...
Boy/girlfriend's looks?: dumbass is the worst look on a person. especially boyfriend.
Friends and other people?: what about them?
Believe in witches?: witch, witch, youre a witch!
Believe in Satan?: my soul is bleeding...
Believe in ghosts?: i dont believe in no ghosts! GHOSTBUSSSSSTERS!

Natalie's feminism power statement of the day, graciously reccomended by Paula Matano and Ms Russell:

The Womanifesto for the Categorical New Freedom Lady

When you see a really drunk girl leaves a bar alone late at
night and you follow her and make sure she gets into her
taxi all right,
that's self-protection.
when you aren't afraid of looking like a supreme
chickenshit and ask your friend to go into the public bathroom
with you because it creeps you out, but not for any
tangible reason,
that's self-protection.
when you are in the music store and you pick a CD by
women musicians who have your back instead of by a
bunch of boys who hog all the air time on the radio,
that's self-protection.
when you are sitting on the bus and the man who sits next
to you gives you a bad vibe and you get up and move to
another seat without giving a rat's ass about feeling like
you're being rude,
that's self-protection.
when you find out which politician is supportive of women,
lesbians and motherhood and vote for her,
that's self-protection.
when you look at all the beautiful women on TV and in
magazines in the grocery store and think that they are part of a
weird industry run by men with major, major
dick complexes,
that's self-protection.
when you boycott all media not responsive in every way,
shape and freudian slip to women's rights,
that's self-protection.
when you make a conscious effort to spend your money in
establishments owned by women,
that's self-protection.
when you tell your dude if he can't hold his wad until you're
damn well ready to come then he's gonna hafta invest in a
strap-on dildo of your choosing,
that's self-protection.
when you ask for a raise,
that's self-protection.
when you insist everyone re-read Pippi Longstocking
that's self-protection.
when you and your friends concoct plans of poetic guerilla
terrorism against a teacher, fellow student, co-worker or
boss who sexually harasses women,
that's self-protection.
when you cook a gourmet, five-course meal no one but you
will partake in,
that's self-protection.
when you "accidentally" spill your drink on a man at a
party who looks at your body rather vulpinely, and you don't
in the least appreciate it,
that's self-protection.
when you educate yourself about clitoridectomies, infibulation
forced prostitution, rape as a war tactic and a way of
controlling women, the Nation of Islam,
Judaism, Christianity and prepatriarchal religions, the Inquisition,
women painters, photograhers, filmmakers, poets,
writers, activists, politicans, sex-industry workers,
historians, archaeologists and musicians,
that's self-protection.
when you read, then watch The Bandit Queen,
that's self-protection.
when you keep a tire iron by your front door,
that's self-protection.
when you buy a pull-up bar and install it in a doorway you
pass constantly so you end up doing pull-ups all the time,
even though you used to think you couldn't do pull-ups,
that's self-protection.
when you dance, run, jump, buy yourself a birthday cake
even though your birthday's five months away, cavort, kiss
all the girls you love to love, laugh, sing, shout, jump rope,
ding-dong ditch the house of someone who gets on your
nerves, swing, climb trees, pick your nose in public,
daydream, eat with your fingers, break something on
purpose, fart loud, skip and pin your friends to the ground
and tickle them,
that's self-protection.
everytime you look in the mirror and your heart races
because you think,
"i'm so fucking rad,"
that's self-protection.
protect yourself.

(Taken from Cunt: A Declaration of Independence. Seal Press: 1998)

thats self protection cruel cruel world.

note: prom = going to kill myself. i am done trying to fix everyones problems. you either want to go, of you dont. make up your god damn mind...

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