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Friday, October 29, 2004

 
Mood: congested.
Music: anthems for a 17 year old girl... still and she has no time - keane
Color: colorado
Vice: dayquil. like none other

You think the days are ordinary
And no one ever thinks about you
But we're all the same
And she can hardly breathe without you

thank you dayquil. now i can breathe.
but not really. im suffocating. maybe its because marcus was sitting on my head. or maybe its the fact that i have developed this MASSIVE head cold. or maybe its because im unhappy.
f that. on to bigger and better things.

i want to sit sabby down and make him be honest. god, i haven't called him sabby since the days when i walked into rehersal looking "cute" just to get his attention, to realize that he didnt have practice that day. good times.
should i confront it?
i mean, my sick self has reached the point where tonight, i want to pull him aside and be like "dude, since you broke up with me over the phone, and you keep trying to find ways for us to hang out so you can validate that im "okay," but i want you to look me in the eyes and tell me its over and we're never getting back together."
im expecting him to look me in the eyes and say "Its over, and we're never getting back together."
cause thats the type of dude that he is.
and the other half of me, the slightly sane side, is telling me that its a poor decision, and that i should just keep quiet and things will turn out for the best.




i shouldnt have said anything around joel. I know he must have said something, and now im in the doghouse.
but i talked to dan about it (while i was all amped) and he seemed to lay it out quite nicely. Why do i want to get back together with sabs? donno. i guess i miss him. its indescribable, really. but i guess the wierd dream that i had last night where i got back together with a terribly well-groomed metrosexual buisness man who talked, looked, and smelled like topher. was it a sign from god? or was the snot clogging up my nostrils restricting air getting into my bloodstream so it can go to my brain? once again, cut to shot of marcus smothering me with a pillow and sitting on my head.
back to the game plan.
If this doesnt work, then i have backup plans. actually. and im quite interested in pursuing them.
for example:
option 1) can have secrety secret dates with somebody i would get SERIOUSLY judged for dating. even bunny would judge, and thats why it would be a secret. but i guess its too late for that, cause i just told you it WOULD be a secret and you would be expecting it. never mind.
option 2) can have one night of steamy hot sex. this is the most likely of the options, if you ask me.
option 3) go to parties with Macky and pretend we're lovers. le thugs 4 lif. almost did it on thursday until we realized the party was way out on highway 20 and i had to be home in 45 minutes...
option 4) do lots of drugs i probably shouldnt and OD in my bathroom.
option 5) become asexual. unfortunately, lesley has discovered that she no longer can reproduce with just herself (she is no longer asexual) and so now i have nobody to teach me. ew. that sounds kind of gross... moving on.
option 6) find some easy blue critter, get em drunk, and get em doneeeeeeee!
option 7) laugh at all you people in love and then go home and cry myself to sleep.
option 8) all of the above
option 9) bury myself in my school work. not that i havent already done that.
option 10) marry adam cole

tough choice my friends... i would say the most likely options are... hm... one through 10?
they call me big LA
big silly
big money

bottles and cans just clap your hands
where its at
two turntables and a microphone?

that was a good run freddy.

i think i need to get a life, cruel cruel world.
~*N*~

saw the gold rush the other day, saw the roll dance, and thought of adam cole. i should call him and make him go to coffee with me or something. no, that would be weird. hes creeped out enough.





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