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Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Mood: empowered. this is a rediculous feeling.
Music: clark gable - the postal service
Color: clear
Vice: studying (really), Mackenzie Moser, and the fact that i stole her hat.

i cant tell me from the drugs. isnt that special?

i get high on life. i suppose.

i havent had time to blog.
i suppose its because i turned in three college applications yesterday after my mother "gave up on me." that was kind of depressing
i was in a "hate and murder mood" yesterday. im glad i didnt blog. that would have been really ugly.

i just read all the summary notes in a textbook. twice.
somebody be proud of me.
give me a pat on the back.
it was a government textbook. i havent been able to make it through more than 2 chapters of summary notes before giving up.
remind you: i read the entire thing TWICE.
im investing. like. seriously.
hopefully, i wont be dependant.
but i think its too late for that.
maybe i can convince my dad that i have ADHD.
last time i told him i "needed help" *insert sobbing and insanity here* he asked if i "needed drugs."
i probably did.
so now he owes me.

i had a dream i confronted him.
and at this point in time, i cant quite remember if i was real or not.
no wait. it must have been a dream. i dont have enough balls to confront him.
but we agreed it would be our "little secret"
cause i cornered him while he was cleaning the bathroom with a toothbrush.
i didnt want to break up the fam.
didnt want to make a problem.
he made me promise.
so now im in a dillema with myself.
did i promise him subconsciously that it would be "our secret"?
or did i promise myself it would be "our secret"?
i love drugs.
they are now my friend.
time to save up some more money cruel cruel world. this is an expensive habit.

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