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Friday, November 19, 2004

 
Mood: Enlightened
Music: Time Trap - Built to Spill/ Trying to Find a Balance - Atmosphere (Stuck in my head all morning: My Jeep - R.Kelly... gar!)
Color: Orange and Black. Its what i bleed.
Today is: have a bad day day

just when i thought today was a good day, i realized today is have a bad day day. and thats how its turning out to be.

I had a terribly enlightening conversation today.
And no, it was not another one with my blog.
By the way, a big shout out to Singapore. Now i get 1% Uruguay, 1% Singapore, and 98% America. *insert political joke here* I mean, i would do it, but I have more imporant things to discuss.
Haha, more important things to discuss than the government... i am SO funny.

right, important things. like i was saying.
I had this terribly enlightening conversation with a "popular kid." Yes, one of the people i am not. I was talking to her in a bathroom (go figure... the only place they'll awknowledge my existance) and she was talking to me about her "best friend."
"I totally wish I wasn't best friends with *******. Given the choice, I would totally pick new friends and hang out with other people. She is just plain mean."
"Well thats when you have to(*be cool like me*) just not attach yourself to a clique and hang out with who makes you happy. You shouldn't just limit yourself to specific people becuase that will only make you angry with them. thats clique-y and not cool. Thats why i like having many groups of friends."
As soon as it came out of my mouth, i realized my mistake: I had just given her the secret to my social life.
Hopefully, she is not trying to make me her new best friend. Although i fear thats whats going to happen.
Best friends with a popular kid? damn, i might actually get invited to a party?!
no, nevermind. thats wishful thinking.

On another note: the whole "yearbook survey" thing is making corvallis high school like a bad episode of "Lizzie Maguire." Sorry Lesley, but i fear that once again, the popular kids will reign supreme, and it will suck. as much as we want to be nominated for prom court, its not going to happen. as much as i want to win "most likely to be famous" and you want to win "most stylish" (regardless of them being OBVIOUSLY true) its not going to happen. its the facts of life. Like the birds and bees, but without the sex.

this year is one of those years when your "perfect" life is crashing down around you every second of the day and you feel like crying every 45 seconds. i am not okay. I will not be okay for awhile. I dont think ill ever be okay. the answer will always be no, so i take it back: dont ask me how i am. it will just get a "no."

maybe it hasnt really registered with everyone whats going on because i technically cant talk about it. but im hurting right now. it doesnt have to do with tim. it doesnt have to do with college. and for once in my life, it doesnt even really have to do with me (specifically.) it just sucks and the people i really want to talk to are not around to listen.

i changed my mind. im staying in tonight to write my CWX essays and eat ice cream. maybe ill paint my toes if i can move from in front of the computer.
have a wonderful evening cruel cruel world. in fact, have a nice life.
~*N*~

sob. veto on the winter formal. we all know i get what i want, but this one is harder than usual... name drop me? "R to the Eezy... just lean back..."







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